Have you ever been so involved in your relationship that you lost sight of what you really want? This can partially due to the ‘honeymoon phase’ of your union. Or, because you’re so in tune with what your lover wants that you’ve accepted their desires as your own. Before you get too lost in love, remember that it’s important to take a step back every once in a while and evaluate what it is that you want from your relationship.
Once you’ve taken a good look at what you truly want from your relationship, determine if you’re actually getting it. If you’re not, you’ll want to consider how to or if it’s even possible with the person you’re with. Let’s look at a few non-negotiables that you’ll want to keep in mind.
You might feel as though you are the only one who does everything. From planning date nights to home cooked meals, get clear on who makes the most contribution to your relationship. A relationship is never 50/50. It’s always 100/100 – meaning that each of you should be fully vested in nurturing your bond.
The easiest way to determine if your partner will match your efforts is to simply stop doing some of the things that you’ve been doing. Do you plan the quarterly vacation every few months? It might be time to let him plan something special for the two of you. If he comes to you confused about some of the things you’re no longer doing, calmly explain that you need a partner and that you want to share in the building of the relationship, not be the only one putting in the effort.
forever or never?
If you find yourself fawning over celeb engagement rings a lot… you may be feeling as if your lover is the one. While we often romanticize engagement, marriage, and a lifelong commitment, neither of these things should be taken lightly. You want to know, without doubt, or fear that your partner is truly the person that you want to live life with.
Be sure that you’re being honest with yourself about the state of your union. Don’t overlook nuances that could cause turmoil in the future. Make sure that you have a strong understanding of how you both feel about children, work/life balance, travel, and finances.
Never choose to stay with someone because it’s what you’re used to or because you’ve convinced yourself that they’re the one for you. If you find that you’ve been so caught up in the flirtatious fun of the relationship, but not the details that really matter don’t be afraid to consider how to get out of it.
friends first… always
Sometimes, the only thing that people are missing from their relationship is a friend. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. He should be the person that you can be most vulnerable with. Someone you can talk to about your feelings, your day, your future. If you’re not getting this from your lover, it’s probably time to address why. Is he capable of being the best friend that you’ll need when times get hard… or are you even comfortable with discussing your most private feelings and experiences with him?
As you start to question yourself and the reality of your relationship, don’t be surprised if things aren’t actually what you’ve allowed yourself to believe. It may be time for a change. It might even be time for you to look inward to truly discover who you are and what you want. Or, you may find yourself considering if your relationship is really one that you want to be in.