Sometimes… Lemons are just Lemons!
You’ve always had a plan. You knew that it would all work out, just the way you envisioned… until it didn’t.
You may not have been obsessive about the details, but you at least had an idea of what career you wanted, the type of house you envisioned living in and an approximate date for when you thought you’d be married or have children… and even where you wanted to be at this point in your life. You had a general outline… right? A map of sorts, that you planned to navigate right to your end destination. That is until everything fell apart and you had no idea how you deviated so far off course.
That was 2008, in a nutshell for me. I started the year on cloud 9. My real estate business was booming. I was earning great money. I had a gorgeous home and I had just launched my 1st publication. The stars and the heavens seemed to be aligning perfectly.
I had goals.
I felt like my journey was leading me straight towards my dream life.
And then, everything fell apart.
The great recession came like a tsunami and left all kinds of devastation in its wake. With the housing and financial industry in a complete disarray, advertisers decided not to renew their contracts and tightened or eliminated their advertising budgets. I lost my investment properties… because my tenants could buy for less than the rent I needed to charge or they lost their jobs, and I had to make some hard and painful decisions about my next move.
I’m a survivor, a natural problem solver. So, I don’t easily buckle under pressure, but I was coming apart at the seams and I found myself in unchartered territory… I was drowning in depression – and I had no idea what to do. There was no grey area. I was either hyper emotional or walled-up and numb.
If we’re being honest, it was one of the few times in my life that, I was scared to death.
When you’re on a certain trajectory and the plane unexpectedly starts to fall out of the sky, you can become overwhelmed, to the point, that you begin to lose it a little. Not in some crazy cat lady kind of way… but there’s a hopelessness that comes over you, like nothing you’ve experienced in your life before.
This wasn’t a life lesson that I needed to learn.
This wasn’t a humbling experience.
This was my worst nightmare. And for the next few years, believe it or not, it got worse.
As I pulled myself, and a plan, together, I was blind to what was happening to me. I was becoming a negative, isolated person. And I was comfortable with it. Because the truth was that the people around me really didn’t want the truth. They asked “how I was” as a courtesy or to get the scoop on my situation. So, I walled-up and avoided all unnecessary contact with others. Partially embarrassed by this turn in my life – a fall from grace of sorts – and partially wounded by the residue that was left behind.
You see, I was always the one that could figure it out. The one that people didn’t worry about because they knew that I would be okay, but this was something I wasn’t sure that I could navigate. I could no longer see the big picture. Emotionally, I was just trying to make it one day at a time.
I knew that I wasn’t alone with the feelings that I was having, but I was so overwhelmed at the time, that I had no idea what step to take next.
Looking back, it’s easy to blurt those feel-good sayings: ‘There’s not testimony without a test”, or “Every great life has a story to tell”. Sounds good, right? But, I believe that we have to accept that everything isn’t an epiphany moment. Sometimes things just happen, and we have to fight to make it out okay.
Sometimes lemons are just lemons.
Years have passed and I now can evaluate what happened during that time of my life, with clear thoughts and less emotion. When I reflect on the years preceding the turmoil, I realize that I don’t have many memories. There are whole spans of time, that are foggy to me. I was so busy with the work of building businesses that I failed to enjoy the moment; to enjoy my husband, my children… my life. Sure, I was on a fast track to success but maybe not in the way that was intended for me… maybe, it wasn’t in line with my purpose.
There were several steps that I had to take to pull myself out of such a dark place; I’ll save that for another post. The bigger picture here are the lessons I learned along the way.
I realized that there is no manual for life. There is no fill-in-the-blank workbook… and no one-shoe-fits-all guide.
We can plan all we want, but until we come to terms with the fact that sometimes the best things in life are the unexpected things, we will remain shackled to an outline of milestones that we may or may not accomplish.
That experience changed my outlook on life. I am more in tune with who I am and not just what I do. I have evolved into a stronger, more resilient woman that understands that feelings are meant to be felt and memories are meant to be made. I enjoy my life and the journey so much more. And while the message here is not for you to throw away your plans or stop pursuing your goals, it is to enjoy more of your life. Be a little more spontaneous. Schedule time just for you and truly live your life, being present in every moment.
I can totally relate to your comment about not being in the moment. Happens to me, too!
Yes, Ashley – being present and allowing yourself to truly experience life is so important!
Currently going through such, it has been 2 years of disasters, depression and anxiety but i had a mental breakdown some months back and i am now accepting that there is no big lesson just life happens. I am also the girl that ‘is always alright because i can figure it out’ but now I’m stepping back and just living in the moment and feeling every wave of sadness, hopelessness and even the little joy i have. Lemons bring balance i guess. Thanks for this post, nice to know that others have been through such. x
I hate to hear that you are still going through your depression Ruth… When you function well under pressure, people always think that you’re okay, even when you’re suffering inside. One thing that helped me was creating my own custom daily affirmation and I started to listen to audio personal development. Sending hugs and love your way – Tiffany Nicole
This was such a great read. Thank you for sharing your story. Life is a complicated process and the only way we can survive is to learn from past experiences and use failures as a motivation to push forward. Hugs!
So true Bonnie – failures should serve as lessons learned not as reminders of our deficiencies! Thanks for reading!
Thanks for sharing your experience, it was truly well written. Life hands each of us different but challenging experiences, but in the end what matters is how we handle the experience and the perspective we gain. Mine was an emergency, life threatening medical situation and yes, it changed my perspective on what is important. While we pursue our goals and cherish the moments, there’s a sense of gratitude for all that we do have, including the simple ability to walk unaided or to manage day to day on our own.
Wow Sheryl! Sounds like you definitely have a testimony that needs to be shared. I haven’t had my own brush with a traumatic medical condition but I learned a lot when I cared for my mother during the last 3 months of her life… and we have to value life as precious, because it is and don’t let the small stuff distract us from what’s important.
This post is so relatable and basically sums up 2016 for me. Here’s to a better year for all of us!
Yes, Chanel! I’m looking forward to 2017. 2016 was a year of building a strong foundation for me… so I’m now ready to take things to another level.
Great read! I certainly wish life came with a workbook that you could just fill in the blanks on!
Rachel | The Confused Millennial
Wouldn’t that be everything!!! Unfortunately, we live and learn… and enjoy the ride along the way.
I loved your transparency. I have struggled with being in the moment my whole life… it took therapy/counseling for me to realize it. I must say, checking myself to make sure I’m living in the moment and making actions and choices reflecting on that moment, has really helped me to enjoy life.
Thank you Ebony! I’ve learned that being ‘present’ in life sounds easy, but honestly, most times we’re so busy just trying to survive that we forget to truly enjoy the experience.
Unexpected happenings can change our outlook in life and you are right. We need to learn to live in the moment and enjoy our lives with those who matter. Situations may change but our loved ones are the ones who see us through the best and worst of times. Thanks for sharing your experience, Nicole. ☺
This is a perspective not often shared but needed. Sometimes we are handed just…lemons. And we have to learn to move forward from not tell ourselves we can always turn it into something good.
I love this! Even wrote a piece titled the same. You’re right…all the feel good sayings are easy to share when you actually feel good but in that storm it is very difficult to stay positive, stay focused and look forward. But we MUST. Thanks a million for this piece!
So glad that you loved this post. Sometimes we have to get a little vulnerable in our writing and share our experiences with the universe.