I was speaking with a (entrepreneur) friend recently and she was complaining about not being able to find people to purchase her products. I was surprised at the tone she used. No matter what I said to try to reassure and encourage her, she was firm in saying that “it’s impossible,” and that “There’s nothing else that I can do.” The more she spoke, the more I realized that she was completely convinced that there was no other option. As she continued, I noticed that everything about her signaled defeat. From her posture to the words that she was using, she had already decided that she couldn’t win.

Not knowing all of the details (i.e.: how much effort she was actually putting in, what her marketing pitch was like… etc.), I had no way to really know what the root cause was; but, something was telling me that her goal was not impossible. She just hadn’t found her stride yet. I encouraged her to not give up, to stay motivated and to not take her eyes off of her goal! Despite what I had to say, as we ended the conversation, I was reminded of how we take for granted how easily our words can become our reality.

Here’s the truth:

WORDS HOLD POWER. Your words can fuel your ambitions or leave them stalled on the side of the road. They can build up relationships or tear them apart; and they can encourage others or make them feel defeated. You may have already heard this many times… but have you applied those truths to the words that you say about yourself, your situation… your life?

It’s easy to overlook how impactful your words can be, to both ourselves and others. If we really understood the value of the words that we speak, there would be much less self-doubt, negativity and complaining. Words and phrases like ‘impossible’, ‘’hopeless’, ‘I give up’, and ‘there’s no way’, wouldn’t exist. Because those words, and others like them, undermine your power and limit your future.

Did you know that you can subconsciously sabotage your own success with the words that you speak over your life? Doctors have found that our minds subconsciously interpret everything that we hear. When you use language that undermines your hopes and dreams you negate your own confidence and amplify the negative.

Once you understand that your mind, body and energy align with your words, you become powerful. By using positive words when speaking about your life, your goals and your abilities then that is what will manifest itself in your life. If you are constantly speaking negatively about your life, then you will only affirm failure and defeat. It may sound a little unrealistic, but you will find that eventually your life will begin to mirror the words that you speak. This is why it’s so important to be intentional about the words that you use.


We possess the power to make a positive impact with our words. Being able to channel it starts with becoming aware of what we’re saying. To assist you with developing an inner radar for ‘speaking in defeat’, I’m giving you my top 5 tips to speaking with more power and positivity; to help you build confidence, grow your influence and start speaking light into your life.

  1. Rephrase that statement

Your focus enlarges everything. If you solely focus on the negative, then that’s what will be amplified in your reality.

What you focus on expands.

If you’re focused on the negative aspects of your situation, what you can’t do, or what you don’t want, it only amplifies in your reality; triggering more negative emotions and moving your attention and energy in the wrong direction.

For example:

If you’re seeking success, make your conversation about your goals and the action you’re taking to accomplish them. Don’t talk about how many obstacles your faced with or the resources you lack.

If influence and power are important to you, discuss how you’re expanding your network and increasing your credibility. Avoid conversations about why things are not moving as fast as you’d like and avoid comparing your progress to others.

  1. Be confident and committed

Choose your words wisely. Use words that showcase your optimism. Instead of saying “I’m trying” say “I got this” or “I will”. If Steve Jobs had said “let’s try to make an iPod”, we wouldn’t have the technological advancements that we now enjoy. Being confident shifts the energy that you bring to the atmosphere. It shows that you’re ready for the challenge and committed to winning!

  1. Eliminate words of defeat

Immediately stop using words and phrases like: impossible, not going to happen and never. These words carry defeated weight, and serve no positive purpose in your life. Just the word impossible signifies that there is absolutely ‘no-way’ for something to happen. The more you pay attention to your use of these words, the easier it will become to replace them with positive uplifting verbiage.

  1. Stop apologizing

When’s the last time that you made a statement like “I’m not very good at this, so I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say” or “I’m sorry if some of you disagree but…”? Phrases like this are red flags for self-doubt and the expectation of failure. You’re not doing yourself any favors by devaluing your opinion in advance. Start paying attention to moments when you feel the need to apologize for your opinion or idea and examine where that lack of confidence is coming from. You may not even realize that you’re doing it. When you find yourself apologizing again, take a moment, restructure what you were about to say, stand tall and poised and begin again.

  1. Leave the labels out of it

When you label yourself you are declaring that that’s what you are. Just because you may be a certain way sometimes, doesn’t mean that you need to give yourself that title. For example: You may not have managed your money well in the past but doesn’t mean that you’re ‘not good with money’ – those are skills that you can learn and improve upon.

Stop being so hard on yourself! Your past, a temporary state of mind or a minor setback, doesn’t define who you are.

Changing how you think and speak is not something that happens overnight. However, the more aware you are of your words, the more you empower yourself to change them and to catch yourself when you slip up. You’ll find that overtime, your words will evolve (without correction) and negative talk will be replaced with positive words that encourage, empower and propel you forward.