Watch Your Words | Change Your Life
One of my friends recently asked me what my biggest pet peeve was? Completely caught me off guard. It took me a moment to answer, because honestly, I’m not easily frazzled and there aren’t many things that get under my skin… especially those that don’t directly involve me. But if I’m being transparent, my number one pet peeve has to be complaining. It’s something that I have a really hard time accepting; because I know with certainty, that each of us has the ability to change any situation, that is not what we want it to be.
Don’t get me wrong. No one should ever have an opinion on how you spend your time. It doesn’t matter if you binge watch Netflix every weekend, or if you spend countless hours gossiping on the phone with a friend. It’s no one’s business but yours. It’s when, that’s what you’re doing with all of your time – and you’re genuinely confused about why you’re not walking in your purpose, making the money that you believe you deserve, and creating the life of your dreams… that’s when it’s time for a reality check.
If you’re complaining about your life, it means that you’re not quite where you want to be and instead of voicing your discontent, maybe it’s actually time to do something about it instead.
Life isn’t always easy and I’m not oblivious to the enormity of challenges that we each face every day. Trust me, I know what it’s like to be unemployed, have huge student loan debt, a never ending mortgage, or an overdrawn bank account, stressful relationships with family, or even the difficulty of juggling 2 jobs while trying to balance time with your family. But here’s the thing, if you’re happy with your life situation (whatever that may be) – then allow yourself to be happy and full of gratitude – because if you are truly happy then there is nothing to complain about after all, right?
If you’re content with your current lifestyle, no one – not even me – can be critical of how you choose to live your life. And, if that is the case, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be okay, with the outcome of your life choices.
The real dilemma is when you are unhappy and unsatisfied with your life, yet you spend your free time complaining; and then surrounding yourself with others that are also in a bad place… and complain together. There are no solutions to be found in negativity, I don’t care how many people you find that agree with you.
If you’re ready for change, or want to check some items off of your goals list, then it’s time for some self-reflection. Continuing to do things as usual and expect anything to be different, is ridiculous logic. Just the same as wallowing in thoughts of what you cannot change. You can’t spend endless hours, or even years of your life, wondering how much better your life would be “if you had had rich parents” or “if you had married for money” or “if you had just won the lottery” or “if you hadn’t waited so long to have children” or “if only you lived in a better neighborhood”. I could list out a million “if’s” and it still wouldn’t change anything about your life right now, because you cannot change the past! No one can.
Let that sink in.
No one can.
There’s hope. If you’re willing to let go of negativity and embrace gratitude and positivity, you can change your whole life!
The choices you make TODAY create the life you live tomorrow.
So don’t keep doing the same thing!
Here are my go-to steps to eliminate complaining from your life:
1. Start giving yourself more credit for all that you have accomplished and overcame.
2. Begin to see your obstacles in life as opportunities for improvement.
3. Acknowledge that the work needed to create the life you want, or at least improve your current situation, is all dependent on your involvement.
4. Stop being a complaining spectator in your own life, and instead be more present in it.
Remember, complaining has zero value, and living in the negative of life, is a complete waste of time. “Woe is me” and “what if’s” will only stand in the way of your success and happiness.
The real connections happen in the comments, so share your thoughts on this post and I’d love to hear how you’ve eliminated complaining from your life!
There is so much truth to this! I’m a therapist, and my work is grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s all about restructuring your thoughts. Instead of focusing on the negative, reframe your thoughts to focus on what you’re happy with, or what you’re capable of doing to change what you’re unhappy with. Great post!
Hi Kate! I love how you said it “reframe your thoughts to focus on what you’re happy with”. People often underestimate the power of their thoughts and how aligning your thinking with where you want to be, is so much more empowering than just wallowing in your negative head space.
Thank you! Oh my goodness. There are quite a few people I am going to show this to! I love it.
xo, Amanda | http://www.thegoldengirldiary.com
Please do share 🙂
I was just telling a friend this the other day! She’s constantly frustrated with her financial situation, but doesn’t want to put the effort into actually changing it. While I think expressing frustration, complaining, and venting are valuable to resolving an issue, they are a step towards fixing a situation, not a solution! I’ll definitely be sharing this with her. 🙂
This is so common Melanie!!! We often fall victim to being so overwhelmed by our situation that we let it take over everything. But complaining won’t change anything. We have to change our mindset get busy finding a solution!
Such a great post and so true. I like how you give easy to follow examples. It really is simple, complaining gets you nowhere.
Thank you Abby! I think that most people think of complaining as venting… but really it’s just giving a voice to negative thoughts. No bueno.
This is all vividly true, how do you reveal it to a loved one who has their blinders on and is bunkered down in bitterness mindset, and won’t give you the time of day, even if you were to share it with them? My thoughts were to just live it and let that shine through and at some point they will choose to want to be happy like me, but that hasn’t happened and their negative pulls everyone including me down.
Hi Ian – I definitely think that many people have a hard time recognizing and acknowledging when they are drowning in negativity. It just becomes who they are. I suggest recommending that they read this blog post or talk to them more about helping them find a solution or creating a plan that will actually help them out of the situation(s) that is plaguing them. Be careful with people like this though, sometimes when you’re attempting to help them – they’re mood can be contagious… so handle with care.
It’s so true! Complaining has gotten me nowhere. It’s something that I really struggle with, and I have found that most of it is a mental battle!
You’re right Suzanne – complaining is a mental battle. You will have to condition yourself to redirect your thoughts to the positive, and like with any habit it will take time and practice.
Loved this piece. It was very motivating and really makes you step back and rethink your goals and why you are complaining. Thanks for this eye-opener!
Thank you Janine! Even as I penned this post, I was talking to myself. This is something that is easy to fall into. It’s so easy to point out the negative, we have to be intentional about the positive in life!!!
Love this post. Very well said!!
Thank you, lil Miss Honey B!!!